Just To See You Sparkle
by mikris10
Summary: What happens when the love of your life leaves you? Charlie sends Bella off to Jacksonville for a month to spend some time with Renee. Edward is the same hotel that Renee and Bella are staying at. Will he run? or accept that he can't live without her?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This starts off with Charlie and Bella, it's basically what happens if Bella did go to Jacksonville to see Renee for a visit, and just so happens that Edward is living there in a hotel close to where Bella and Renee take their little girls week out vacation. Hope you enjoy, review please, and dont forget to add in what you think needs to be improved on!

~Kristen

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CHAPTER 1

~Dormant~

He left. I sat there for a while, unmoving. I saw the sun come up and set, as time passes I grow older, I die a bit more physically every day. But that doesn't matter, nothing matters, not if he isn't here. I didn't need to breathe, there was no amount of oxygen to beat my dormant heart again.

"That's it Bella," I heard distantly, the sound not even registering in my brain until it was too late for me to respond.

Charlie stood in front of me, his expression ripped between worry and pain. "I'm sending you off to Jacksonville," I was confused, and couldn't comprehend those words for a moment. It wasn't that I couldn't understand what he said, it was clear enough, I just didn't know the outlet for his decision.

"What did I do?" I asked, I was vaguely aware that my voice sounded very monotone and flat.

"Nothing, that's just it, you do nothing," he said, dipping his head. "You go to school, work, and then you come home."

"I don't understand, Dad, I'm in the middle of my senior year, and I have friends," I said hopelessly. I thought I was being alive, for him, it was a disappointment that I couldn't even do that much for Charlie.

"Friends?" he asked, his eyebrows lifted "Bells is that what you call them? You haven't even seen them, much less go out with them, anymore."

"I do see them, I see them all the time at school," I defended myself halfheartedly.

"Not like you used to," he said "maybe some time with your mother will help you."

I thought about that for a moment. I couldn't bear to leave Forks, I needed some sort of proof of him existing. I bit my lip, deliberating. Finally I said "for how long?"

"Couple of months, I don't know, Bells," he said.

I thought about that, "one month, and then I'll come back and return here."

"You can't keep waiting for him," he said softly.

I looked down, I couldn't stand to see the look on Charlie's face. "I'm not waiting," I said, and it was the truth. I wasn't waiting, I just needed to know that I wasn't imagining things.

"You leave next week," he said, and went to go watch the current game on the TV.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

~Jacksonville~

"Bella!" I heard my mother before I saw her. She wrapped her arms around me in a familiar embrace. I looked down to see that she already picked up my suitcase.

I smiled, then my eyes popped wide opened, I smiled. "Hi, Mom," I said, and I realized that I was actually happy to see her.

"Okay, Bella," she said holding me at arms length, to look at me. "I haven't seen you since the…" she dropped what she was saying, suddenly realizing her mistake.

My smile fell, "I'm sorry Bella," she apologized

"No, it's okay," I said, even though my chest began that familiar burn. She took my arm and led me toward the parking lot of the airport.

"So, how was your flight?" she asked, eager to make up for her previous mistake.

"It was fine," I said, taking my suitcase from her.

There was a pause, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Renee give me a worried look, I tried to smile happily. It was sad that I actually had to contort my face to do so, and not look pained at the same time.

We got to the car, a small silver four door Sedan. When she popped the trunk I saw her suitcases. "Where are we going?" I asked her.

A smile lit up her face, "I thought you would like a girls week out! So I booked us a room at the Hyatt!"

"You didn't have to," I said trying to make my voice sound upbeat and happy.

"Well, I don't get to see you all the time anymore," she said putting her arm around me again over the seat and hugging me.

"I've missed you too," I said, I turned my head, to face the sun that was pouring into the window. Trying to let the heat take my mind away from the disappointment I felt. I was sure that Renee would have a line of things waiting for us to do as soon as we got there, which meant that she would be watching me very closely.

EDWARD POV:

Cold. That's all I felt since I left her, my Bella. I didn't need to breathe, but if I did, what I felt right now was similar to suffocating, I suppose. I turned over in the white sheets of the hotel room. Coward, I hissed at myself. I had left my family, not wanting them to try to see me cope with my loss, or whatever you could call lying in this bed for months.

I was in Jacksonville, not the most discrete place for a vampire to go, but Bella's mother was here, and it was a safe place for me to be near her. Selfish, I threw the word mentally at myself. Then did what I've been doing since the time that I destroyed her, I rolled and basically curled into a ball and suffocated.

Closing my eyes was just like seeing a picture of her, I let myself go back into my memories, knowing that I would regret it later. I didn't care. I thought about seeing her again, going outside her window one night and just seeing her. This would be enough, I promised myself, just to see her. But I didn't deserve that much. I left her alone for a reason.

I tried not to think about her and concentrate on something else, as useless as that might be I knew it would let me leave her alone longer. The flood of minds came as they always did, like I cut down the dam and the river came crashing down. I filtered through them, until they were just background noise.

_Bella doesn't look so good, I wonder if she should sit while I check us in. I think I brought the key. _"Bella hun, can you do me a favor?"

_"Sure Mom, don't worry, they'll give us the card."_

A million thoughts crossed my mind all at once. She's here. I knew that for sure. I fought between what was right, to leave her alone, and what was wrong, to go to her right now and tell her the truth. I had to see her, that much I was sure of.

Her voice sounded, monotone, like she had been trying to sound okay for her mother. Shivers of pain raked through my body, as I knew that I was the one to put her pain there. By back convulsed whith dry tears, my heroin was back. And I didn't know how long my restraint would last until I saw her. I was in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

~I Spy~

Bella POV:

"Mom, where's Phil?" I asked Renee, I knew that it cost her something when she decided on our girls week out. I came, not wanting to trouble her in any way and knew that in my depressed state that I wasn't succeeding.

She smiled at me and her eyes didn't hold the sparkle that they did when she really smiled. "At home, honey. He's enjoying the woman free house for a while. We'll probably come home to a mess in the kitchen and dinning room," she laughed trying to sound carefree.

Although I knew that the house was probably be like that without me there to clean up after her I smiled and agreed. "Are you sure though? I mean, he probably misses you, its really not a problem."

"No, no, besides I have big plans for us," she smiled, "I signed us up for a work out program! Swimming and aerobics!"

My heart dropped, more workouts with Renee, "um… are you sure?"

"Yes," she laughed, trying to hide her uneasiness.

"Okay," I placed my bag on the bed closest to the door, and helped Renee with her suitcase as well. I unloaded my familiar bag of toiletries along with Renee's to the bathroom. Falling into the familiar pattern was easy.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" she came over and threw her arm around my shoulders.

"Okay," I nodded, she was probably hungry, as we walked out the door I hoped she wasn't going through an exotic food phase.

"Oh," she exclaimed patting her pockets.

"Don't worry, mom, I have it," I said lifting up the card key that she left on the top of the nightstand and walked out the door behind me.

Edward POV:

I knew I shouldn't have followed her, but I couldn't resist it. I kept listening to Renee's mind.

_Bella, is so different, she's trying so hard_ she thought to herself, but really she said _"do you want to get some lunch?" _ hopeful that some food would do her good.

I watched with painful eyes, knowing that I was the one do put her into that depression. I was a fool to think that leaving her like that would do her any good. But what if it did, and all she needed was time. I should stay away. But my mind kept telling me to go to her, to end her pain and mine. What if she couldn't forgive me, that would be unbearable.

If I just followed her, just to make sure that no harm came to her. That would be what I needed to do, the closest I could get to her, was just watching from afar.

Renee saw Bella walking into a restaurant down the street, before I could think any better I followed her on foot running, coming to a stop next to an elderly man. He was hunched over and I could see the many wrinkle on his skin.

"Sorry, sir," I instantly apologized and knew that I would have to be more careful.

I didn't hear his response because I was moving, following her distinct smell. Not expecting the scent, I walked into the back of the alley, peering through the window more than 50 feet away, I knew she wouldn't see me. Her smell hit me like a wrecking ball, slamming into me, I bit back the urge like I had before, being far from her didn't stop the venom flow though.

Bella neatly folded her napkin, her long dark hair covering her expression. I willed her to look up, and was granted as Renee asked her a question. Her deep brown eyes were loving as she cut some bread for her mother too, answering some question she asked about school. A small line of tension laced between her eyebrows, and I wanted to smooth out her skin, and tell her to let go.

Before I could fight between what I knew was right, and what I wanted to do, her hand flung out while telling Renee about her grades and hit the water glass over. I rolled my eyes, but instantly saw the glass shatter. Being Bella she bent down to help pick up the glass, her hand closed around the piece too hard and I was hit by the scent of her blood. I stopped breathing, no, I told myself you will not harm her anymore. It was surprising how much easier it was for me now, to let go of her scent. But the cut was small, just on her finger. A waiter came as I knew he would, he smiled unnecessarily warm at her, she didn't seem to notice.

Anger swirled up inside me. I would kill him, I shook my head, you have no claim on her. I told myself. No claim on what was fully yours. I was regretting the decision for the millionth time to let her go.

Her head suddenly snapped up to look in my direction, I swore under my breath and moved swiftly out of the way. I forgot how observant Bella was, I doubted she had seen me, but sensed someone staring. I would be more careful the next time.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is dedicated to KyiraLA, she's kinda crazy but i love her anyways even if her hands are cut off by another insane person that needs a straight jacket, but not until said person that wants to cut off her hands goes to prom with the love of her life. She is also awesome for forgiving when i threaten to bite her. Review if you want more craziness.

-Kristen

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Chapter 4

~If Love Had A Say~

Bella POV:

I looked up at Renee, she sat there on the edge of the bed with phone in hand. She toyed with it, constantly checking the messages.

"What's up mom?" I asked worriedly, she looked so lonely.

She shook her head and smiled sadly, "nothing, just wondering how the game is going."

I stood up to sit next to her and took her hand in mine, "mom, you can go. This is the reason I left for Forks in the first place, I know you want to be there with him now. Why don't we go to his game?" I tried to speak gently, hoping that she could hear the feeling in my words.

She shook her head, "that's kind baby, but this is supposed to be _our_ vacation," she insisted, she probably didn't expect me to come back to her so broken.

"Mom, let's be honest. You want to go, and Phil would be so happy to see you there, you should go," I bit my lower lip as I waited for her to agree. I knew it wouldn't be long until she agreed.

"Honey," she said turning her head to look at me, "you sure?"

"Yeah, go have fun, I'll just stay in and order pizza or something," I smiled reassuringly.

Renee laughed and kissed my forehead. "My middle aged daughter," she smiled and grabbed her jacket and bag. She closed the door behind her and I reached for the phone to dial for room service. I ordered chicken pasta, and waited for room service to bring it up. Until then I brought out my Calculus text book and worked on the homework that we were assigned.

Edward POV:

I sat in my room which I learned was one floor above hers, I listened in on the conversation and saw Renee finally walk out to go and meet Phil. It bothered me how much Bella gave up for others, if it was me with her, I would never leave her. As soon as the thought came I growled in anger, because I did leave her, in the most horrible way Bella and I would be connected.

I realized that I couldn't listen anymore, until I heard her room number echo through a bellboys head I wanted to take his place, but I knew I couldn't just go there and deliver her food. But I paid attention to his mind, which was actually quite dirty.

He raised his hand to knock on the door, then tapped his foot impatiently. She opened the door and I was stunned by her beauty once again, but so was our bell boy friend.

_Damsel in Distress, Bradley likes,_ he smiled asking her where she would like it.

"Um… just give it to me," she sighed, annoyed, I laughed it was so Bella to not notice the Bell boys reason for his affections.

"You sure? I could take it out for you?" he asked eagerly _let me in._

"No seriously I can do it myself," she insisted. Handing him the money and grabbed the package, slamming the door in his face. I laughed again. There was no way to see her anymore so I sat there impatiently. I was getting impatient, so I went down to the other hotel and checked in as another name and quickly paid for the room opposite of hers.

I watched, her blinds were opened and I could see her clearly through the window. It felt strange after all this time to still be looking on her and I resisted the urge to jump through the window and be with her. She ate alone on the small glass table that was next to the wall, she was frowning slightly and I noticed with disappointment that she barely touched her food, but taking small nibbles from the crust.

She moved very slowly, even for a human, dragging her feet. Now that she didn't think she had an audience all of her pretenses were down and she showed just how lonely and depressed she felt. Once again I doubted that me leaving her did her any good. The selfish part of me was glad to find this out, that she couldn't live with out me just as I couldn't live without her.

Bella ate her pizza slowly, as if it would hurt her to swallow. The next bite was smaller and smaller until her bites were barely nibbles. She only ate one slice and stood up from the small table. Every emotion dropped from her face as she grabbed her toothbrush and curled her leg under her on the bed.

I scrutinized her every move, watching her finish brushing her teeth and disappear for what seemed like forever before she came back with wet hair in pajamas. I knew how the soft comfortable cotton of her t-shirt and sweat pants - that she was so fond of - felt against my skin.

Blank expression, was she bored in this life? With out Renee there I suppose she didn't have to pretend anymore since she went to sleep at eight. Her eyes fluttered closed, and her breathing slowed. I knew she was really asleep curled on her side.

Bella POV

Renee left, they all do, I've learned that from him. I was glad to be by myself because I knew that I couldn't escape the dreams, because they always came. I hoped I didn't scream tonight but the darkness that sleep gave was easier to deal with than Renee coming back with a dozen different apologies.

Even with sleep so close I felt something that I never felt in a while. Something that I didn't know how to explain because what I felt was so dangerous for me to be feeling. I let go of reality and let sleep engulf me in suffocating flames, but this night was different. This night, not unlike nights before, I dreamt of him. His grace and beauty, his arm out stretched offering his hand and as soon as I reached out to hold him he disappears into a million sparkling diamond dusts.

For that night I felt unexplainably safe, I felt the eyes of one who's watched me, see me again. A dangerous thing to imagine but I was past insane already, my dreams and entire life proved that already, so I ignored the warnings being screamed at me and allowed myself to fell semi-wanted again.

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A/N: I apologize for the intro of this chapter, next week will be less weird. Unless you want more strange intros.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry guys that this chapter is so short, just from Edward POV. But please enjoy! :) comment/ review please!

Kristen

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Chapter Five

~Selfish~

Edward POV

I meant to watch her from the safety of my own room, but it became too much. I heard her screams from inside the room and my greatest fears were realized. Bella was not happy. I wasn't going to sit there and wait for her to stop, before I could halt myself I was at her room stealing a key from the maid down the hall before she could turn back to see me I was already there. Her smell hit me again when I reached her bed, that floral freesia but it was no longer the threat looming over my head she was mine to protect not to eat.

She turned in her sleep breathing hard and small screams escaped those perfect lips. "Edward, no, come back!"

Emotions flooded through me and I bent down to put my hand on her forehead. "Shh, wake up Bella, I'm here it's alright love," I whispered to her.

She turned in her sleep, I was afraid for a moment she would wake but she didn't. I started to hum the song of her lullaby, the moment wasn't how I imagined it but it was the best that I would let myself do. I cursed myself for being this weak, selfish I yelled silently at myself. Thousands of images ran through my mind, this is the last time you will see me again, it will be like I was never here.

What a liar I am.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N sorry, it's been a while. I hope to upload soon.

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Chapter Six

~Broken~

Bella POV

I must have been going crazy. The sound of my lullaby sliced through the acrid air of my dream. The one that daunted me constantly, the one he leaves me. Open your eyes before it's too late Bella I screamed at myself, before the madness sets in.

Opening my eyes I stared at the blank white ceiling feeling the sweat cling to my skin. I reached instinctively to untangle the sheets around my legs and body, except they were perfectly neat. Weird, I thought, usually I thrash around when I have that dream. My pulse began to race once I looked around for Renee and saw that she was not there. I shook my head violently, enough to get a subtle throbbing in my temples.

Get it straight Bella, I screamed internally, he's never coming back. I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Wobbling slightly, stood up and walked to the balcony. The chair caught my ankle and the ground swirled beneath me. I barely had time to catch myself my palms and knees getting the brunt of the fall. My tears darkened the ground.

"Edward," his name burnt my throat like sharp electricity "why do I still love you?"

Edward POV

The instinct to brace her fall ran cold through my bones, but her tears stopped me from picking her up. I froze in my position, how did she know where I was? How does she always know?

"Edward," she murmured my name and I thought that she saw me and I stood impossibly still. "Why do I still love you?"

A million thoughts ran through my brain in a fraction of a second. Want became necessity as it took over my mind as I stepped forth and reached out my hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

~Mine~

Edward POV

I reached out to her. It was instinctive, she was in pain and she still loved me. Maybe there was a chance that I could make it up to her, that out of some miracle she would take me back. Then again, she never had any regard for her personal safety. Perhaps she would reject me, she accepted my horrid excuse too soon, before. A voice in the back of my head sneered at me _or maybe, she finally realized that she was too good for you, and now she just wants you to leave her alone. _As I reached to help her up I pushed the voice away like I did with others thoughts.

She did not notice me right away, her head hung from her shoulders in defeat. Bella began to choke on her own ragged breathing and her back heaved. _Oh, Love._ I almost touched her shoulder when a thought that was not my own appeared, but was gone too soon like a flicker of smoke. It was full of pure anger and hostility that drove me to seek out the owner.

I saw her, before I smelt her. The flash of her red, unruly curls, and the sneer on her too red lips made my stomach churn. _Mine_, the thought crept from her mind, _mine_. I stood there conflicted. Before Alice mentally shouted my name at me. I should have figured that she would have seen it and came to help. Quickly she showed me a picture of Victoria ambushing Bella in her hotel room, then another of me chasing her around from balcony to balcony.

_Go, Edward_, Alice showed him another scene, this time it was of her in Bella's hotel room fighting a blond, teenaged boy and of me, killing Victoria. There was a chance, but Alice's visions where never absolute. There was a chance - _GO_ she yelled at me, I could see her racing up the steps of the hotel, she was nearly at the door. I was hesitating for only a second, not enough time for Victoria to get very far. So I took one last glance of my Angel on the floor, I would be back to make her smile again. I promised myself.

Bella POV

My eyes burned and I couldn't breathe, why did he have to leave me over and over every night? Every time I relived the experience, it was like ripping my heart out all over again. I was only partially aware of the small pain in my palms and knees as the carpet dug into them. It was foolish, I know, to keep thinking of him the way that I do. To remember the way that his skin felt on mines, smooth like marble, and that uneven grin that he gave me when... No! I mentally shouted at myself. It was bad enough that I had to go through this in my dreams, but did I really have to torture myself beyond that? Maybe this was my punishment for being too happy, like I used all the happiness that my life could offer and now I was left to bear the burden of it. _You sound like him now_, I groaned to myself.

I heard the quiet click of the lock just before I felt small, cool hands grasp my shoulders. "Bella," a voice like chimes said and I looked up. Impossible. Alice was staring back at me, her wide onyx eyes, high cheek bones, even her pixie hairstyle was the same. My imagination must have been good.

Quickly her fingertips were under my eyes, she pushed the tears away. When I could see her clearly I noticed that she looked serious, and grim at the same time. "Bella," she said again.

I just stared at her in response, feeling too shocked right now to say anything. "Bella, don't freak out okay," she started out and I mentally noted that nothing good started from those four words. I was wrong.

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A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read this, sorry it's so short!


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